Part 17

Ran hurriedly pushed open the music room's door. Aya was strumming some chords with a guitar pick, but when she saw Ran rush in, she pressed down on the guitar strings with her hand, causing the sound to quickly dissipate.

Aya: What's with the rush?

Ran: Aya, Miho said...

Ran: (In fact, that's probably the foundation on which they had an argument at all in the first place.)

Ran was for some time unable to say anything, and just stood there blankly. She had quite an awkward expression on her face.

Aya: I've written a new song recently, Ran-chan. Why don't you give it a listen?

Ran: Ah, uh, sure.

Ran sat down next to her, and noticed that she was holding a wooden guitar.

Aya: Actually, I only got the inspiration for this song after I met you, so how's that?

Ran: Eh? Why? Is there something about me that inspires creativity?

Aya shrugged.

Aya: I'unno. That's why they call it inspiration, I guess.

A relaxing melody flowed from Aya's fingertips, and Ran whispered quiet praise for Aya's skillful hands. But alongside it came the familiar sensation of dizziness.

About Miho Takei and Aya Toyama's memories

Force yourself to pay attention to Aya's complete performance

Ran: (Just a little more and I could have recalled the memories of Aya...)

Ran: (And this time, my head hurts even more than with when I recalled Tama's memories- is there some connection here?)

Ran grabbed tightly onto the edge of her chair, and lowered her head, hoping that Aya wouldn't notice.

Aya: Let's leave it at that for now. You've come to me to talk about the affair with Miho, right, Ran-chan?

Aya: If she's told both you and Ann, then she must be ready to put this state of affairs to an end.

Aya: I'll listen to her. If she says we oughtn't date, then we won't date.

Ran: Eh? What? I feel like she's talking absolutely nonsense, what the hell does she mean she can't date you, dating doesn't change a damn thing-

Aya: Oh, I know. But Miho's actually got some absolutely charmingly immature bits in her personality. She can be pretty credulous about the things she wants to believe at times, and she needs important things to be ceremonious and formal.

Aya: But I have to support her. If that's the kind of environment she needs to do what she wants to do, then I'll listen to her.

Ran: But that way you're not going to be able to date Miho anymore.

Aya: Well, there's nothing to do about that, right? It's only been a few days and I'm already going insane not being able to talk to her, could you imagine if we kept having this argument on end for years.

Aya got up and tucked her guitar away into its bag.

Aya: Let's go. I'll go make up with Miho.

Ran: Well, okay. But, Aya, don't you feel like you're taking the dive for her here? It's like, you know clearly this isn't the way things ought to be, but you're still making concessions to Miho anyways.

Aya: Oh, Ran, that's not it at all.

Aya: Me and Miho's relationship doesn't concern itself with calculating 'gains' and 'losses' between ourselves.

Miho Takei and Aya Toyama met each other in elementary school, and were inseparable up until they had their fight in middle school. They were each clearly aware that their preference was for others of the same gender, and buried their feelings deep in their hearts.

After their separation, Miho severed herself from her feelings for Aya, and concluded her time in high school with an excellent performance that guaranteed her a full ride to Tokyo University's School of Public Policy.

In contrast, Aya studied in the high-school in her hometown, where she developed the habit of skipping classes. She spent more time staring at music sheets than she did at textbooks, but in contrast to her steadily declining grades, the size of the audience for each of her performances grew every day.

But whenever the furious music ceased, soundless and alone, Aya's longing for Miho grew by the day.

Finally, the year that Miho was to graduate from college, Aya, carrying her guitar and her luggage on her back, arrived at Tokyo University's doorstep, and, through a face full of tears, congratulated Miho on graduating.

The two of them, who had been apart for seven years, rediscovered their love for each other in an instant, and settled together in Tokyo.

In the five years after that, Miho, who'd taken a job in finance, rose through the ranks at an astonishing rate, and fulfilled the promise she'd made to the two of them, to give them a happy future together.

Aya's band lifestyle, on the other hand, wasn't working out too well; she was stuck doing on-and-off late-night gigs at local bars, or filling in timeslots whenever a more renowned band failed to show for a concert.

The two of them shared a stable and happy life together, until a variable appeared one day to change their lives. But it wasn't a change for the worse; much to the contrary, it actually brought much more happiness into their lives.

Miho's uncle had a daughter who suffered from serious schizophrenia. Miho very rarely saw her cousin, who was three years older than her; Miho only ever got the chance to speak to her, once, at a family gathering.

While Miho was in high school, her cousin ran away from home, and was never heard from again. All that Miho remembered of her was her exaggerated expressions, and the way she'd once rubbed Miho's hair as she'd told Miho, "You're a real goodie-two-shoes!" with a laugh.

And, when Miho had almost completely forgotten those memories as well, she received a text from her cousin requesting a meeting.

Miho and Aya, who'd been living together for many years at that point, arrived together at the destination point, and met with Miho's cousin, as well as a little girl standing next to her, incessantly wiping tears off her own face.

In conversation, Miho's cousin explained to Miho that she'd met a rich entrepreneur from abroad, and that the two had fallen in love and decided to elope.

But, after Miho's cousin had given birth to a child, it turned out that her wildly alternating moods, and the fact that she cared for little more than hedonistic indulgence, had led her to start thinking that perhaps she could give the child to someone else for adoption.

She knew that Miho's lifestyle was materially secure, and that she had no intentions of getting married; she hoped that Miho could adopt her daughter.

Miho, quite reasonably, exploded in fury on the spot, fiercely berating her cousin for not being willing to take responsibility for a child she gave birth to herself.

But Miho's cousin wasn't particularly bothered by Miho's anger. She said that she knew that Miho was a very good person, and that the more she yelled, the more proof it was that she'd take good care of Miho's niece.

And so, though Miho's cousin said that they could rename the child to their family name as well, Miho insisted on retaining her cousin's family name, hoping that, this way, Miho's niece could retain some semblance of a familial connection to her biological mother.

And so Miho took her cousin's family name, and the last character off of her niece's original name, and named her Ran Ibuki.

Ran Ibuki had unfortunately inherited her mother's schizophrenia, and being thrown away to a foreign nation by her mother only added to her discomfort. Because of that, Ran spent almost every day alternating between manic and depressed states.

With patience unimaginable to most people, the two of them slowly taught her Japanese, helped her get treatment for her illness, and oversaw her regimen of medications, and never, not even once, expressed disgust at her, or any sign of wanting to abandon her.

Unlike Miho, who was busy with work much of the time, Aya stayed at home most of the time, and thus had more chances to interact with Ran. Aya would frequently play music for Ran, and even write songs for her specifically.

Soon, Ran was able to live amicably with her two new family members, and she held the same love for them as they did for her. It was just that she still had trouble communicating with strangers.

After coming home from school, she always insisted on hugging either Aya or Miho while crying. The two of them engaged with the school multiple several times to try to improve Ran's situation, but to little effect.

Ultimately, under their care, by the time Ran entered high school, she had recovered from her illness. Even though, later on, her condition would worsen again, by the time that happened, she would already have next to her the one person who would be closest to her heart from then on.

Miho Takei and Aya Toyama's relationship inspired a desire for the same within Ran. She was convinced that she herself could surely find both inspiration and the meaning of life from a similarly intimate relationship as well.

And, of course, who else could that relationship be with, but Ann Sakura?

Aya Toyama

Heisei Era

(already translated stuff omitted for brevity)

Aya Toyama was initially unwilling to let Miho handle all of her expenses. But after the two of them had long and serious discussions about the future, she was able to cease being self-conscious about it, and was able to pour her heart and soul into her band and into Miho.

Relative to Miho, Aya was able to spend much more time with Ran Ibuki. To her, Ran was like a friend who was in need of her caretaking. Aya was creatively inspired by Ran as well; from Ran she gained the inspiration that allowed her to successfully compose, for the first time, an emotionally expressive lyrical song, which she named Mist.

(previously translated stuff omitted)

I often find myself thinking, just what role did Aya play in the story of my life? No matter what mistakes I made or what kind of tantrums I threw because of my illness, she never got mad at me, or tried to talk my ears off with pretentious rhetoric, just take me on joyrides when I was unhappy, or try to play some lyrical songs that she wasn't all that good at for me, to cheer me up.

What should I call her? A good friend? An older sister? Or maybe... I don't know. But I love her and Miho a lot. I was only able to let myself love miss Sakura because of that love, which existed earlier.

Miho Takei

Heisei Era

(previously translated stuff omitted)

Miho Takei believes that taking in Ran Ibuki was the best decision she's ever made in her entire life. Investing her accumulated wealth into the wellbeing of Ran caused her to feel that her life had in turn been invested with greater meaning. And, for Miho, raising Ran with the help of Aya helped Miho discover even more ways that her and Aya's relationship could be developed.

(previously translated stuff omitted)

When I was first adopted, I was really worried that Miho would make me call her 'mom', since I had some really bad associations with that term of address. But later, when I actively tried to call her by that title, she actually told me to never call her that, because I had a real mother, and I wasn't a child who'd been thrown away at all; it was just that my mother thought that Miho could give me a better future.

Well, I was quite clearly aware that my mother had, in fact, thrown me away, anyways. But the attitude that Miho expressed actually made me get closer to her, because it let me know that she was someone who was truly concerned for me. I care about her a lot.

Ran starts crying. Aya doesn't seem to notice, immersed in her performance.

Ran: (I can't believe that I forgot how much Miho-onee-chan and Aya did for me...)

Ran's most crucial periods of development as a person were accompanied by the two of them; they were much closer to her than her birth mother was.

Ran: (I can't believe that even they had times when they argued. I've never seen the two of them fight at all.)

Ran: (I learned from them that two people who'd built up a close relationship could face any trouble head on, so long as they were together. That's why I wanted to build a closer relationship with miss Sakura in the first place...)

Ran: (That was where I got the courage to confess to miss Sakura, as well- from Miho.)

Nodding to the beat and tapping her feet to the rhythm, Aya started humming the song's refrains, so familiar to Ran.

Ran, in sync with her beat, also began, with a trembling voice, to sing to the song.

Ran: (It's just like in my memories...)

Aya: Let's leave it at that for now. Not bad, Ran-chan! You were able to hum along after just listening to it for a short while.

Ran: (Aya always called me like that back in the day as well. I'd thought it was a weird form of address, but now it suddenly seems so much more endearing.)

Aya: You've come to me to talk about the affair with Miho, right, Ran-chan?

Ran surreptitiously rubbed her nose, and sniffed a few times, trying to prevent Aya from noticing that she'd cried.

Aya blinked a bit, and set her guitar down on her lap.

Aya: Miho told you?

Ran: Yeah. She told me and miss Sakura.

Aya grimaced and stretched luxuriously, swinging her legs around a bit and tapping the tips of her toes together.

Ran: (I remember that Miho-onee-san used to tell Aya off for doing that all the time.)

Aya: If she's told both you and Ann, then she must be ready to put this state of affairs to an end.

Aya: I'll listen to her. If she says we oughtn't date, then we won't date.

Ran: Eh? What? I feel like she's talking absolutely nonsense, what the hell does she mean she can't date you, dating doesn't change a damn thing-

Aya: Oh, I know. But Miho's actually got some absolutely charmingly immature bits in her personality. She can be pretty credulous about the things she wants to believe at times, and she needs important things to be ceremonious and formal.

Aya: But I have to support her. If that's the kind of environment she needs to do what she wants to do, then I'll listen to her.

Aya displayed a kind of maturity consistent with the memories Ran had of her. It was a maturity that disguised itself under layers of merriness and frivolity.

Aya got up and tucked her guitar away into its bag.

Aya: Let's go. I'll go make up with Miho.

Ran: Alright. But, Aya, I don't think you need to worry. I think you two will have a very smooth future together waiting ahead of you. All you need to do is bear it for a bit.

Aya smiled.

Aya: Oh, of course.

Ann: So, it looks like they've made up?

Ran: I think so. I don't really feel like I did anything, I just sort of listened to them talk about it and then the situation resolved itself.

Ran: (Miho-onee-san and Aya don't need me to fuss over them. They wouldn't let go of each other even if the planet were to just explode right now, I figure.)

Ann: Really? I feel like you were quite helpful.

Ran: I'm terrible at this kind of interpersonal stuff. This time it was just that the two of them had never wanted to split up from the get-go.

Ran: Besides, compared to me, miss Sakura's far more skilled at resolving these situations. Miss Sakura could resolve the whole world's problems, that's how I feel.

Ann: Is the miss Sakura you're talking about still a member of the human species like me???

Ran laughed.

Ran: Oh, you're such a jokester, miss Sakura.

Ann: Yep. Do you have any ideas?

Ran: Let's go to the observation deck. I want to do a bit of Recall, and having you with me, miss Sakura, will make me feel a bit more secure.

Ran Ibuki took out her notebook, and flipped through it, searching for a blank page.

Ann stared at the flipping pages, seemingly enthralled. She reached out and stopped Ran's page-flipping.

Ran: What is it, miss Sakura?

Ann's finger slid up and down the notebook's page, and it took her a long time before she answered.

Ann: The texture feels so... marvelous. It feels like I want to just keep on caressing it, forever.

Ran: Miss Sakura seems to have gotten a bit addicted! I felt the same when I touched the notebook for the first time as well.

Ran thought for a bit, and ultimately decided not to divulge the fact that she thought that the notebook's pages felt like Ann Sakura's skin.

Ann: ...Well, I'll stop distracting you. Let's start the Recall.

Ran: Okay. After this, if you want to do any more caressing, miss Sakura, feel free to at any time.

Ran flipped to an empty page, pressed her hand to it, and let her blood seep out through her fingers.

Ann: ...Ran, doesn't it hurt?

Ran: It's fine, it doesn't leave a wound. The blood comes right out through osmosis, bypassing the skin and blood vessels.

Ann: How incredible...

Ann placed her hand on the notebook as well. Ran's blood touched the tips of her fingers, but was soon sucked back into the notebook.

Ran: I don't know how the notebook works either. It's very mysterious.

Eventually, the blood was all eaten up, and Ran pulled her hands back. Then she looked at Ann with a piteous expression.

Ran: Miss Sakura, under the state of Recall, I will fall unconscious, and my body will enter a state of helplessness.

Ran: ...So can I use your thigh as a pillow for that duration?

Ann nodded, shifting her body backwards till it reached the walls. Then she opened her arms.

Ann: Go ahead.

Ran grinned, laid herself down on Ann's thighs, and then hugged Ann's waist happily.

Ran: (Miss Sakura smells so gooooood and her legs are so soooooooft.)

Ann: What's the matter? I thought you were going to recall, weren't you? You seem to be entirely preoccupied with hugging me.

Ran: Ah, well, uh... Ehehe.

After discovering Koizumi's corpse, suggesting a visit to the tool room to Makoto...

Ran: (It must be that I've almost managed to recover my memories of Tama Indou, but-)

Ran: (But I'm still just slightly short of the mark. If only I had some more understanding of Tama- then maybe I could remember it.)

Tama: I wanted to stay there, but I didn't know what to say, and all I could do was just stand there helplessly.

Tama: And then Yano-san came back, and once Sakura-san explained everything to her, she told me that I didn't need to just sit there anymore.

Ran: (Sai was worried that Tama would feel awkward just standing there, huh.)

Ran: Yeah, Sai was right.

Tama: And I was almost done with my letter anyways, so I came to the library.

Tama: Here it is, by the way. Could you take a look at them for me, Ibuki-san?

Ran: Wait, why are you making me read your letters, I thought they were for Makoto.

Tama: I've written my feelings, questions, and thoughts down in here, just like in Notes From Underground.

Tama: Asakura-san is very smart, so once she's finished reading these she'll surely be able to give me an answer, and convey to me her thoughts as well.

Tama: And all of these things I'm expressing have Asakura-san reflected in them.

Ran: Okay, but that just makes me more confused why you want me to read them.

Tama: I feel like I'm missing something very important. I can't come up with a decisive conclusion, so I'd like Ibuki-san to offer some suggestions.

It was exactly as she'd expected. Completely incomprehensible philosophical rhetoric.

Of course Tama would come up with this stuff after reading Notes From Underground.

Ran: (Shit. I'm absolute garbage with this stuff.)

Ran: Sorry, Tama, I can't really give you much in the way of advice here.

Ran: But it looks pretty complete, content-wise, as far as I can tell. If you need to distill it down into some kind of thesis, I think you might have to rely on your own thinking.

Ran: I can't help you here.

Tama: It's fine, Ibuki-san.

Tama: You've already helped me a lot, just by saying that.

Ran: Mm. Dinnertime's almost here. You should take your letters and come back.

Ran: (Speaking of which, just where has Asakura run off to...)

The rope tied to Koizumi's neck, the already deceased but highly suspicious Makoto Asakura, and the tool shed are all clearly connected somehow. There's obviously value to a visit to this particular point.

Ran: (Originally wanted to find Asakura and borrow the tool room key to see if there were any clues. Who'd have thought she'd straight up just kick the bucket after that? Let's try it before she croaks.)

Makoto: So, think this one's a homicide or a suicide?

Ran: Dunno. But if Koizumi didn't ask to borrow your key, then the chances of it being a homicide are higher.

Ran: Otherwise wouldn't it be weird to have to steal your key from you just to commit a suicide.

Makoto: I would recommend that you not imagine that you can actually model what the feelings of a suicidal person exactly are.

Ran: (Well, if nothing else, Makoto's an appropriate person to hear that from.)

Ran: By the way, do you still want to kill yourself? You were pretty pissed last time Tama saved you from being dead, weren't you?

Makoto: Dunno. At least for now I still want to live.

Makoto reached out and turned the handle, opening the dormitory's front door.

Makoto: But, who knows, maybe I'll decide I wanna try suicide again later. Try not to save me if such a time comes!

Ran: (If it weren't for the pH test, I'd probably be wondering whether Makoto drowned herself intentionally, right now.)

Ran: We're going to get the key to the tool room so we can check it out.

Makoto Asakura pulled open the drawer and took out the key. For some reason, she didn't immediately turn and head to the tool shed, but rather stayed in the same place, and held the key for a bit.

Ran: What is it?

Makoto: Nothing. Let's go.

Unfortunately, they couldn't find anything they could call a clue. All they were able to do was confirm that the rope used to hang Koizumi was the same kind as the rope in the storage room.

Ran: (Interesting. I've acquired an unexpected clue.)

Ran: (Alright, let's end the recall here.)

Ran: Excuse me? Santa Claus is very real. I used the Anomaly of the Merry Sleigh to travel across the world that time I and the notebook nearly got caught by the Knowledge Devourer anomaly.

Ran: Shame I had to kick the old man off the sleigh to buy time, though. He died for a good cause. By which I mean my notebook, which is probably also my dead girlfriend.

Ran: Anyways that's how I ended Christmas.